John Craven Rides Again
I used to sit with my children and watch John Craven’s Newsround on the BBC many years ago.
When I was in the south of Italy recently, I watched BBC World News and the voice of one of the readers was John Craven’s to a t!
Strange!
Ten Rules to Help You Survive Widowhood
This was posted a couple of years ago by Adrienne.
It is good sense and they are shown with my comments.
- Don’t let fear control you. Your scary thing already happened, and – look! – you’re still here – I have worried about silly things in my health.
- If you need to cry, just cry. If you avoid it, you’re just going to feel like crap – I have done, but not much. I prefer to walk and admire the countryside or the city and just think.
- If you’re tired, sleep. Grief is exhausting – Perhaps, strangely I’ve not had a problem with sleep.
- You should look as good as you can as often as possible. Aside from the fact that this will help you feel better, it will encourage people to stop treating you like you’re completely sad and pathetic, even though you are completely sad and pathetic – I’ve done this, but I’ve lost weight, which I suspect is more to do with being a coeliac, playing a lot of tennis and exercising.
- Eat three meals a day. This sounds easy, but it’s not when you’re grieving – I only eat two with fruit for breakfast.
- Exercise on a regular basis. It will help you work through anger and depression, and it will also help you accomplish Rule #4 – I do this by playing tennis, walking and using the odd weight or two.
- Speaking of anger, find ways to deal with it that don’t involve taking it out on your remaining loved ones. You’ll take it out on your loved ones without meaning to, of course, which is why it’s important to try to channel as much anger as possible in another direction, such as picture books by Madonna – I’ve not had too much anger, except with the statistics of her illness. It was a million-to-one shot.
- Talk about your grief and the person you lost. Your existence is going to make people uncomfortable whether you talk about what happened or not, and people are probably wondering what you’re thinking and feeling even if they can’t figure out how to ask. Talking about grief is part of what makes it real and helps you work through it. Some people choose to, say, start a blog and then insist that their friends, relatives, acquaintances, and even perfect strangers start reading it – I’ve done all that.
- Travel. You’ll be sorry if you spend a lot of time avoiding your grief, but it’s good to take a vacation from it every now and again – I’ve done lots of that. But I can afford it.
- Avoid people who aren’t loving and caring. This is a good rule for life in general, but you really aren’t emotionally stable enough to deal with a bunch of nonsense when you’re grieving – Not sure, if I’ve done this, but I never suffer fools.
Adrienne’s piece was written for a woman as opposed to a man, but it works.
I have a few tips based on things that have happened to me. These may be more oriented to a man.
- Don’t get a dog – I was left with a puppy and it just took the mick out of my grief. I gave her back to the breeder. training a puppy is often a job for more than one.
- If you like sport and you haven’t got it, get Sky – My wife would never have countenanced that expense, but it has proved to be a lifeline at times, when the television is rubbish and you need entertainment.
- Learn to cook – I hadn’t cooked for years and now I generally do it all the time. See some of the recipes on this blog.
- Avoid divorcees – They don’t have a clue about widowhood.
- Do all the things your partner wouldn’t have liked doing – I went on a riding safari in Kenya. She would have enjoyed it, but I suspect she wouldn’t have ridden or camped.
- Don’t move – I’ve remodelled bits of the house and I still sleep in the same bed where she died. Some can’t understand that.
- Make sure your house security is up to scratch – You may well be vulnerable to thieves, as they will think that the house is empty more often.
- Keep all of your partner’s pictures on the walls – I talk to them and ask what she would have done.
- Laugh at all your partner’s junk mail – Taking some seriously can be upsetting.
- Don’t get angry at the waste you’ll see when you dispose of your partner’s effects – I still have the Amani trouser suit she bought a few months before she died and never wore. It’s a slim 10 and doesn’t fit anybody. It’s too good for a charity shop. At least most of her other clothes went to the Cancer Research shop, which had been flooded and needed stock.
But if like me and you’re in your very early sixties, remember you have at least a few and probably twenty years of life ahead of you.
My wife told me to move on. I will!
The Anonymous Widower 