Life is too Short for Retirement
The statement is from Colin Murray Parkes, who has just received this year’s Times/Sternberg Active Life Award. This summary from Wikipedia sums up the sort of work he has done.
Parkes is a former chairman and now life president of the charity Cruse Bereavement Care.[4] He acted as a consultant and adviser following the disasters in Aberfan, the Cheddar/Axbridge air crash, the Bradford Football Club fire, the capsize of the Herald of Free Enterprise and Pan American aircraft explosion over Lockerbie. At the invitation of UNICEF, he acted as consultant in setting up the Trauma Recovery Programme in Rwanda in April 1995. At the invitation of the British government, he helped to set up a programme of support to assist families from the United Kingdom who were flown out following the terrorist attacks of 11 September, 2001, in New York. In April 2005 Parkes was sent by Help the Hospices with Ann Dent to India to assess the psychological needs of people bereaved by the tsunami.
And much of it was done after he was supposed to have retired.
One paragraph in the article in The Times today is particularly appropriate to my experience.
He has these words of advice: “The most important thing is not to avoid people who are bereaved. They won’t necessarily ask for help, but it is a lonely time. So do take the trouble to invite them out or go in for a visit. Even if all they really want to do is feel sad and have a good cry, it is nice to be able to do that with someone.
“Most people cope very well with bereavement if you give them a chance. Often people do the wrong thing for the right reason and avoid bereaved people because they are afraid of upsetting them, when actually they are upset anyway and sometimes long to talk about it. This is particularly the case at times of celebrations or anniversaries.”
He is so right. You can could the number of my friends, who have come to visit me since I moved on the fingers of one hand. But I did get large numbers of Christmas cards this year.
Am I bothered? Well, yes and no! I know that I’m way down some peoples’ lists and as someone who has always made most of his own entertainment, I can cope. But don’t say you’ll come and then don’t do it.
The Anonymous Widower 
My experience of retirement is not quite as I had expected. I thought that I would be free to indulge my hobbies; electronics (at the detailed level; not the new definition of devices containing electronics), computing, woodwork, model engineering, classic cars, music, travel, and the family (not necessarily in that order). I build two adjoining building when I was close to retirement to be ready, but unfortunately, time is just as short after retirement as before. Family business ventures, village activities, seven grandchildren, and satisfying my wife’s ambitions for me when I retired, all take up a lot of time. However, I live in hopes.
Having said that I did actually call on you on 21st December as I found myself at short notice at Newington Green. Unfortunately you were out, but I will email on you to make a date as promised as soon as I have recovered from a bug I went down with a Christmas.
Comment by John Wright | December 30, 2011 |