Things I Have Never Done
Everybody has lists like these, which often include such things as making love in a hammock or aeroplane, which for most people are very unlikely. I won’t comment about the two I mention here, except to say that I did have my own plane for many years. But it didn’t feature a hammock!
Two things on my real list are learning to swim and having someone deliver a takeaway meal, which I then pay for at the door. As to the latter, I’ve never even had one delivered by the vendor. The learning to swim will stay forever, but as I have a branch of the Bombay Bicycle Club just round the corner, a takeaway will probably be delivered at some point in the near future.
Unusual things I have done include.
- Gone to Royal Ascot with someone else impersonating someone who had died many years before. The gateman said she looked well. She still did, when I saw her a couple of weeks ago.
- Crashed an aircraft and walked away from it. As did all my passengers! The plane was a right-off!
- Hunted three types of hare hounds; harriers, bassets and beagles in one day.
- Been extremely drunk on a Mersey Ferry.
- Seen the Beatles perform live.
- Piloted a light-aircraft all round Australia and even on to the Great Barrier Reef.
- Been present at the birth of all my three sons. For the first, my wife was three weeks late and she fooled the Middlesex Hospital into believing she was in labour. More…
- Won a National Championship at real tennis.
- Seen a Transit of Venus.
- Had dinner in Rick Stein’s restaurant with two widowed daughters of an heriditary peer. More…
- Came off best after a mugging in Naples. More…
- Hitched a Lift in the cab of a High Speed Train from Edinburgh to Inverness. More…
My late wife always said she married me because she knew life wouldn’t be boring. I intend to keep proving she was right. I must not let her down!
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The Anonymous Widower 
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