Leader of the Pack
I had never heard of Ellie Greenwich, but I have heard many of her songs, like Leader of the Pack, Do Wah Diddy Diddy, Kentucky Woman, Chapel of Love and River Deep, Mountain High, to name just a few.
Sadly she has died of a heart attack.
Her songs though gave me a lot of pleasure.
I particularly remember seeing Manfred Mann singing Do Wah Diddy Diddy at Liverpool University.
Thanks for all the memories.
Deaths, Public and Private
Every death is a tragedy for someone. Even the most noxious individual, had a mother, even if they didn’t know their father, or have any children.
Years ago, I was phoned by Haringey Council, because my great uncle had died in their care. He’d returned from Australia to find his family and after failing had ended up in an old peoples’ home in the borough. But a guy in the Legal Department of the council had taken the trouble to trace those few remaining relative after his death. He felt it was more than a pity, that he hadn’t been able to find us before my great uncle had died.
We’ve recently had a lot of coverage about Lockerbie, where unlike my great uncle, 270 died in a very public and violent way.
Over the years, I’ve met many who like myself, have lost someone very near and dear to them. But all of these, like my great uncle have been very private and the most public they have got would have been a notice in the paper. And usually only the local one.
But is the grief felt by those left behind any different?
When my wife died of an aggressive and incurable cancer of the heart, I felt totally powerless. It just gripped her body and drained the life out of her. But at least we said good-bye properly and if I can keep my dignity like she did in her last days, I will be surprised, as I don’t think I have it in me. I do want to get even, but it will be by helping those in the fight against cancer and other life-threatening diseases.
Others I know lost their partners, parents and children to accidents and heart attacks, where they didn’t have my luxury of a slow parting. They seem to take much longer to come to terms with their new circumstances. After all, they were not told to get on with their life. Or fixed up with a blind date! Many too, don’t have the financial circumstances that I have, to carry on in the same way as before.
Is the public death of a loved one any different?
In a way it is not. You still have the same grief and personal problems, although interestingly in some cases, you may well have received much more financial help and counselling.
But surely the real problem is that whereas I have been able to restart my life, the endless publicity and digging up of the issues, by newspapers and often well-meaning politicians, doesn’t help.
My heart goes out to those who can’t be left alone to suffer their grief in private with friends, family and any professionals they need, so that they can be left to rebuild the rest of their life.
An interesting aside to this is that because my wife was a barrister, we often discussed various legal issues and cases in the courts. She could not understand, why if someone was murdered, increasingly relatives seem to spend every day of the trial of the accused in Court. I agreed and if she had been murdered, I would have quietly withdrew and had nothing to do with case. She would have done the same if it had happened to me. How can you get any satisfaction from watching justice unfold, so close to home?
So to return to Lockerbie. I can’t understand the mentality of those who keep pushing themselves through all the grief again and again, by appearing on the radio and demanding more and more vengeance.
But then I think all deaths are generally a private affair, for those that are involved.
I like to think that by now, I would have moved on and built a new life that was a credit to the memory of those that I had lost.
Terry Pratchett on Assisted Suicide
Terry is on the BBC Breakfast program at the moment. A lot of sense about assisted suicide.
Farewell Sir Bobby!
It has just been announced that Sir Bobby Robson has died.
He gave everyone a lot of pleasure and I don’t think he ever made an enemy.
How many people can you say that about?
Assisted Suicide
Debbie Purdy has won a case in the House of Lords, which aims to get the law on assisted suicide clarified.
I’m all for complete freedom of personal action and I think that as it is our body, it is our decision what we do with it. And if someone helps us to commit suicide then so be it.
But what would actually happen now, if you helped your lifelong partner to commit suicide. The media is dominated by cases like that of Miss Purdy and others who have or want to go to Dignitas in Switzerland and none of these have resulted in any prosecution. But there are a few cases, although I can’t locate one at present, where the act has taken place in the UK and prosecution has occurred. My memory says that sentences have not been heavy.
I know quite a few judges, because my late wife was a barrister, and talk to them about cases like this and they will say that the reason there are so few prosecutions is that juries will not convict. There was a poll in The Times, which said that 74 % of people are in favour.
So to prosecute will just be a waste of public money, as well as not being the public interest.
But when my time is up, I will not be taking the early exit.
Why?
There is nothing there and even a very poor and painful life is better than no life at all.
Captain Pugwash Sails Away
John Ryan, the creator of Captain Pugwash, died last week. He gave generations of kids, myself included, lots of fun.
Thank you, John!
One anecdote on the radio was that when first aired in the 1950s, the animation was done live using three easels. That’s shows a certain confidence.
Thou Shalt Not Sail on the Sabbath
What poppycock!
There appears to be a bit of a row on the Hebrides, about a ferry to the mainland on a Sunday.
The Hebrides is very much a marginal area of the UK, that needs all of the help it can get. And that includes tourists, who often have jobs to do, to pay for their holidays. They just might want to sail home on a Sunday, to start work on a Monday.
But as Caledonian MacBrayne, the ferry operator, feel it might be a case of human rights, they have to provide the service.
As someone, who believes very much in the rights of people to do what they want within reason, I’m very much behind the ferry company. And what right does a whole load of people, who say they believe in god, have to tell me what to do, provided I don’t break the law? Especially when I don’t hold their views. Although, as I’ve said many times before I stick to the humanist principles of all the world’s major religions.
My late wife originally did believe in god and taught in Sunday School, but in her last twenty years or so, she lost all that belief. As she lay dying, she did not once mention god or religion. That further enforced my personal view, that god is just a figment of those minds that want to control us.
I hope that I’ll die happy, but without help from any supreme being.
The Irreverent Widow
I’ve just added a site called The Irreverent Widow to this blog.
Being widowed is a serious business and it needs a bit of humour and a lot of commonsense.
This is a typical comment.
In grief, as in dog walking, one must ask: “Is putting the poop in a plastic bag & tossing it really the wisest way to deal with it?”
Not sure. But we need a lot more robust thinking on death and widowhood.
I shall be reading more.
Dignitas and the Care Tax
Two stories from yesterday, should be linked together.
We had the tragic tale of Sir Edward and Joan Downes going to Dignitas to commit suicide together, because of her terminal cancer.
We also had the government outlining proposals that when you retire, you’d have to pay £20,000 for compulsory insurance for your long term care.
I should say that I’ve helped care for someone in the last few weeks of their life and when the pain gets too bad to endure, all sorts of thoughts arise. But for me, as there is nothing afterwards, I would never countenance any premature end for myself. But others should be free to choose.
So if Aunt Sally or Uncle Fred have to retire early because of some long term illness, would the family push them off to Switzerland because they don’t want to pay the £20,000?
The Care Tax is insane!
Something needs to be done and people need to be encouraged to provide for their long term care, but anything compulsory needs to be consigned to the bin.
The Anonymous Widower 