Who Ate All The Pies and Won the Lottery?
There is only one answer to this. The couple is here.
They say they are going to keep playing the lottery. It looks like though they’ll have enough money to at least keep them in junk food and pay their medical bills.
Perhaps the exercise in collecting and opening all the begging letters will do them a bit of good.
But I doubt it!
The Balaena Lives
Not quite, but there is a lot of Balaena thinking behind Shell’s new FLNG.
So what was the design I worked upon in Cambridge for Balaena Structures all those years ago like?
The problem with offshore oil platforms is that they are very expensive and once they’ve extracted all the oil from the oilfield on which they sit, they are very difficult to take down.
In the mid-1970s, some very clever structural engineers from Cambridge University came up with a design for a reuseable platform, that could be built in a ship yard, that would normally build supertankers.
The design was simply a steel cylinder, perhaps about a hundred metres long and thirty or so in diameter. I can’t be sure of the size as it is nearly forty years ago and I have kept no records. The idea was that it would be built horizontally and then towed into position, where it would be turned through ninety degrees to sit on the ocean floor above the oilfield.
So the eventual bottom end was closed off and would have had a skirt that sat in the ocean floor and held the platform in position by a sort of gum boot principle. The other end was also closed and supported a square working deck about twenty metres high on a stem about the same length.
My part was to do the calculations on the upending, which would have been accomplished by letting sea water into the enormous tank under control.
The calculations were not that simple, but because of my dynamic simulation experience, they were well within my compass and I was able to do them on a simple time-shared computer.
I did prove that because of the vast weight of steel and the not inconsiderable weight of sea water, that the Balaena would install itself as designed. Sadly it was one of those projects that after a considerable amount of effort never came to fruition.
Some other points about the design should be noted.
- The tank could be used to store the oil extracted and this could then be pumped to a waiting tanker.
- When it needed to be moved, the tank would be emptied and at the appropriate point, the Balaena would float vertically. It could then be towed still upright to a new position.
All of this might seem rather fanciful, but I suspect that some of the ideas in the Balaena have been used successfully in the other designs.
I started talking about the Balaena, when the Deepwater Horizon blew up in the Gulf of Mexico. At the time I was lying on a bed after a serious stroke in Hong Kong. I imagined an empty Balaena ready and waiting floating horizontally in the sea within a few hundred miles of the clusters of oil platforms. It would differ from the 1970s platform design, in that the working deck would be much simpler and probably only there to control the pumping. It would also not have a complete bottom to allow the oil to enter the tank.
Could it have been towed to the site and upended over the leaking well, as a crude but effective cap? The oil would still float to the surface, but inside the tank of the Balaena, from where it could be pumped out.
The idea may still be fanciful, but I can guarantee that the structure would upend as required, just by adding sea water to the tank. I did the calculations to prove it in the early 1970s.
Kelvin MacKenzie’s Voicemail
According to this article in the Telegraph, this is the welcoming message on Kelvie MacKenzie’s voicemail.
I am not here right now, but leave a message and Rebekah will get back to you
I like it.
What Is A Pastafarian?
The answer’s here!
It shows that the Austrians have a better sense of humour than I thought!
Scottish Independence! Surely Northern Ireland Needs It!
Yet again, Northern Ireland is rioting and causing mayhem.
If we are giving the Scots and the Welsh a degree of independence, in these times of austerity, shouldn’t we cut Northern Ireland adrift and leave it to its own resources?
I just don’t like seeing bigots burning my taxes as a form of entertainment! Perhaps, they should impose a local income tax!
Alan Shadrake Freed By Singapore
Alan Shadrake, who has been imprisoned in Singapore for writing a book critical of their use of the death penalty has been freed according to this report on the BBC.
He has been immediately deported back to the UK.
This is a story that will be worth following.
What Is It About English Footballers and Penalties?
Even the English women went out yesterday after a penalty shoot-out. Read about it in The Independent.
Australia Proposes a Carbon Tax
Australia depends heavily on coal, which is the fuel that in my view should be banned beause of the large amounts of carbon dioxide it emits when it is burned. Because of the hydrogen in natural gas, when you burn that you get less carbon dioxide for the same energy. But in truth, it would be better if we didn’t burn fossil fuels.
So I was very surprised that the Australian Prime Minister has announced a carbon tax. It doesn’t appear to be popular.
Australia is one of the world’s worst emitters of greenhouse gases per head of population.
The country relies on coal for 80% of its electricity generation, and is a major coal exporter.
The energy industry and the political opposition have mounted a vociferous campaign against a carbon tax, with protests in all of Australia’s major cities in March.
Critics argue a levy would damage economic competitiveness.
Opinion polls show roughly 60% of voters against the policy.
The government hopes to win them over by spending some of the cash raised by the carbon tax to compensate households for higher energy bills.
It is promising tax cuts for low and middle-income households, as well as increased state pension and welfare payments.
At least it is a start and the United States, China, Europe and the other polluting country should follow suit.
John Major Talks Sense Again
I told a story yesterday about John Major and today he pops up on the BBC’s web site talking about Scotland and its political relationship with England.
Here’s an extract.
In a rare intervention into politics, former Prime Minister Sir John Major calls for the Scottish Parliament to be given powers to control everything except foreign affairs, defence and the economy.
Sir John warned against the dangers of devolution before the 1997 election. Today he calls for what some call “devo max”.
If you are wondering why the former Tory leader’s dressing in tartan, he explains that in return the English (and, of course, the Conservative Party) would see the end of the hated Barnett formula which gives Scotland more money to spend and a cut in the number of Scottish (usually Labour) MPs.
This may not seem like a live issue today, but it will be in the run-up to the next election. Scotland’s re-elected First Minister Alex Salmond has always believed that the Tories were most likely to give him at least some of what he wanted.
This is how Sir John puts it:
“The present quasi-federalist settlement with Scotland is unsustainable. Each year of devolution has moved Scotland further from England. Scottish ambition is fraying English tolerance. This is a tie that will snap – unless the issue is resolved.
“The union between England and Scotland cannot be maintained by constant aggravation in Scotland and appeasement in London. I believe it is time to confront the argument head on.
Everybody should read the full article, as it talks a lot of sense.
I particularly liked this comment by a reader on the report.
Wow!
Major speech by a major politician
How on earth, gold help us, did we ever end up with New Labour
So let’s hope the British Parliament does the sane thing in the next few weeks and makes sure that they control the country and not the owners of a few newspapers.
At least none of these proprietors are no Berlusconi!
Did John Major Dye His Hair?
I doubt it, especially as a few years ago I shared a lift with him in the Grande Bretagne hotel in Athens, as he was going down to his car to make speech at the British Council. His hair didn’t look dyed to me.
It must have been about 1994 or so, when I saw him speak to the Cambridge Chief Executives Club. He was rather embattled at the time and he gave a speech which predicted what would happen to Europe in the next few years. He got it substantially right especially about the Balkans. He also criticised the Germans for their reunification policy over the Deutschmark.
But he reserved his biggest bile for News International and especially The Times, which at the time had just discovered Tony Blair and NuLabor. He used the phrase, “The Times which used to call itself a newspaper” and said that it had accused him of dying his hair. He then joked that would anybody in their right mind dye it this colour.
It was a very good speech and it often makes me feel, that if he’d had a better set of cards, he might have made a very good Prime Minister.
I remembered it today, when Harriet Harman called for the power of News International to be reined in.
But of course, it was perfectly alright for them to exercise that power, when they were backing NuLabor. Pots and kettles come to mind.
Incidentally, I wonder if Ms. Harman has searched the Internet for sites about herself!
The Anonymous Widower 