Even A Relic Of The True Cross Couldn’t Keep The 12,500-ton Moskva Afloat
The title of this post is the same as that of this article on The Times.
The relic and what happened to it, is described in this extract.
More unusually, it was also carrying a purported splinter from the cross on which Jesus Christ was said to have been crucified. The holy relic was purchased from a Catholic church in Europe by Russian Orthodox Christian businessmen and handed over to the cruiser in 2020. Just a few millimeters across, it was stored inside a 19th-century cross that was kept in the cruiser’s on-board chapel, the Tass news agency reported.
The article also claimed that an unnamed Russian businessman paid $40 million for the relic and that Putin’s admirals believed the thin sliver of wood deflected missiles and torpedoes.
This is comedy gold of the highest class.
It is time to unleash the dogs of comedy!
Is Volodymyr Zelenskyy Planning A Mosquito Moment?
Just imagine the scene in Berlin on January 30th, 1943, which was the tenth anniversary of Adolf Hitler’s rise to power.
A celebration had been planned with speeches by Goering and Goebbels to the Nazi faithful, which would be broadcast over the radio.
But precisely as Goering started to speak, three RAF Mosquitos arrived over Berlin.
This article on The Smithsonian Magazine, which is entitled When the RAF Buzzed Over Germany to Drown Out Nazi Broadcasts, describes the interruption like this.
When the bombs and the British engines intruded on the broadcast of Goering’s speech, radio engineers cut his feed and scrambled for safety. A bewildered German public instead heard the cacophony of bombers, which was soon replaced on their radios with a crackly recording of marching band music. It was more than an hour before a furious Goering returned to the airwaves.
Hours later, three more Mosquitos, gave Goebbels a similar treatment.
Wikipedia gives this quote from Goering about the Mosquito.
In 1940 I could at least fly as far as Glasgow in most of my aircraft, but not now! It makes me furious when I see the Mosquito. I turn green and yellow with envy. The British, who can afford aluminium better than we can, knock together a beautiful wooden aircraft that every piano factory over there is building, and they give it a speed which they have now increased yet again. What do you make of that? There is nothing the British do not have. They have the geniuses and we have the nincompoops. After the war is over I’m going to buy a British radio set – then at least I’ll own something that has always worked.
He was lecturing a group of German aircraft manufacturers.
It has been reported that Vlad the Mad is planning a spectacular parade on Victory Day, which is May 9th, 2022.
I can imagine that Ukrainian planners are working on ways to interrupt any speeches.
A drone spraying blue and yellow paint would be intensely funny and totally within the expertise of high-quality special forces.
A Song For Ukraine
My father was a Cockney, who had a way with poetry.
Sadly, I have none of it to keep me amused in these dark times.
But here’s my simple reworking of the Dad’s Army song.
Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Mr Putin
If You Think We’re On The Run?
We Are The Boys Who Will Stop Your Little Game
We Are The Boys Who Will Make You Think Again
‘Cause Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Mr Putin
If You Think Ukraine’s Done?
Mr Brown Goes Off To Town
On The Eight Twenty-One
But He Comes Home Each Evening
And He’s Ready With His Gun
So Watch Out Mr Putin
You Have Met Your Match In Us
If You Think You Can Crush Us
We’re Afraid You’ve Missed The Bus
‘Cause Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Mr Putin
If You Think Ukraine’s Done?
Others out there can do much better.
Putin And The School
This has just been published by a reader on The Times web site.
To get on the good side of voters, Vladimir Putin goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the local children. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people. At the end of the talk there is a Question and Answer session.
Little Sasha puts up her hand and says ”I have 2 questions. “Why did Russia invade the Crimea and why are we amassing troops at the the Ukraine border?”
Putin says ” Very good questions ” but just then the bell goes for lunch break.
When they come back to finish the Q&A section another girl, Misha, puts up her hand and says ”I have 4 questions for you. Why did Russia invade the Crimea and why are we amassing troops at the the Ukraine border? Why did the lunch bell ring 20 minutes early and where the hell is Sasha?”
Someone thought it was a Finnish joke from the time of the Winter War.
But we should certainly unleash the Dogs of Comedy!
Germans Turn To Humour In ‘Spritzkrieg’ On Antivaxers
The title of this post, is the same as that of this article on The Times.
A German television show has proposed a plan to persuade far-right antivaxers to get jabbed by offering them free swastika-shaped Bratwursts, dressing staff up as Nazi nurses and calling the vaccination centre Spritzkrieg (Jab War).
Reading the article it sounds like the Germans have asked Mel Brooks for advice.
We should use humour much more against the covids. Or does it have protection under the Virus Rights Act?
The Times says there is a clip on YouTube, but I can’t find it.
Thanks to Robin, here is the video.
If there was an British mockumentary in the same vein perhaps Call The Midwife or Casualty should be given the Blackadder treatment?
Insulate Britain Roadblock Stops Lorry Carrying Insulation
The title of this post, is the same as that of this article on The Times.
Make of that what you will!
UK’s Rude Place Names To Be Toured By Man On Moped
The title of this post, is the same as that of this article on the BBC.
This paragraph gives a flavour of the route.
His journey will begin in Shitterton, Dorset, on Wednesday and will take in locations such as Twatt in Orkney and Booze in the Yorkshire Dales.
Mary Whitehouse would not have been amused, but I suspect many will find some of the names raise more than a titter.
This is the JustGiving page of the guy doing what he calls the Moronic Moped Marathon. The money raised will go towards Cancer Research.
A Reminder Of The Sixties
This advert at Angel station has echoes of me of a series of jokes of the 1960s.
I can only remember one!
Question: What is the definition of a mistress?
Answer: Something that goes between a master and his mattress!
It Looks Like London’s Mayoral Election Won’t Be Boring!
This article on the BBC is entitled London Mayoral Race 2021: The Candidates Who Say They Will Be Standing.
My first conclusion is that some of the candidates will be good entertainment, but others are a couple of bricks short of a full load.
What would be interesting, is if one of the free-thinkers ended up as Mayor!
It should be remembered that H’Angus the Monkey was elected Mayor of Hartlepool three times.
The country has gone through some tough times in the last year or so, so perhaps a less serious election will do us all a bit of good.
Macron Rex: Interfuctus Est.
The title of this post, is a tagline in the big cartoon in today’s copy of The Times.
It is drawn in the style of the Bayeux Tapestry and has all the players in our spat with the EU.
Many have been shot by syringes.
Does President Macro have a sense of humour?
Try to see a copy and examine the detail!
The Anonymous Widower 