Getting Emotional
Since the last stroke, I sometimes get a bit emotional. When people ask how I am and they say nice things, sometimes it can make me cry. But then I’ve been through a lot with the death of C and our youngest son and the strokes haven’t helped.
But then I’ve always been a bit like that. This piece is from the book I wrote about life with C.
There are quite a few people, places and events that have radically altered the way that I think and how I conduct my life. One event was the death of Jan Palach in Czechoslovakia. He committed suicide by setting himself on fire in Wenceslas Square on January the nineteenth, 1969, as a protest against the Soviet invasion.
I swore to C that one day, I would stand in Wenceslas Square in a totally free and liberated Czechoslovakia.
With the coming of Go, British Airways low-cost airline started by Barbara Cassani, Prague was suddenly a short flight away from Stansted. I should have gone earlier, as the Velvet Revolution that had ousted the Soviet-backed Communist regime had been ten years before.
But I hadn’t and I regret that.
We stayed at the Hoffmeister, which has all the charm and service expected of a Relais & Châteaux hotel. It was seriously good and from reading reports on the Internet, it still appears to be.
The weekend was our thirty-third wedding anniversary, but I have no recollection of where or what we ate on the seventh. All I do know is that the food and wine was excellent throughout the time we were in Prague.
But it was to stand in Wenceslas Square that was one of the main reasons that we had gone to Prague.
I cried!
And I cried buckets!
Will I ever be able to do the same in Harare, Rangoon and the many other places in this world, where people are oppressed and murdered by the state?
I wrote that in probably about January 2008 soon after C died. Do I feel the same now? Perhaps, I actually feel stronger about the last statement, as there are other places I could add to the list.
I sometimes wonder how C felt about Jan Palach! She booked that trip and she knew how I felt. But remember too, than he was only 15 days older than she was!
Perhaps I should return to Prague? I will only do that, when there are no more demons in my mind, dragons to slay and goals to fulfil.
In other words, I never will return!
Hail the Humble Crisp
I find that I have a bad taste in my mouth a lot of the time. I suspect it’s probably caused by the hay fever, rather than any lasting damage caused by the stroke. You just feel that you want to clean and wash your mouth out all the time.
Last night, I felt I wanted a small snack and there was a pack of coeliac-friendly Kettle lightly salted crisps in the cupboard, so for the first time since my last stroke I tried them. I’d been avoiding them, as I felt that the roughness might actually make my mouth worse.
In the end, they made my mouth feel a lot better. Perhaps, the salt and that roughness, were actually good for my mouth.
There are just another five packs to go in the cupboard.
Bonkers Windows
Because of my gammy left hand Windows is a nightmare.
Take just now. I was writing a post using WordPress and typing things into a large text box. For some reason, it just locked up and refused to accept any characters. I must have hit some control or Windows combination. It did allow U and then started talking to me through a dialog saying it would make my computer easier to you. What a load of crap!
Now if I try to restart the computer, it says my password is wrong. So I have to login to another account and then switch to the one I want.
It’s bad enough having a stroke, without having to fight all the way to work on the computer.
I’m actually on another laptop now, as the other is completely unworkable. For instance if I type a search into this blog, each key seems to bring up a new dialog. It’s almost as if the computer, thinks that the Windows Key is locked down.
Does anybody out there have any idea what is wrong?
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I’m Feeling A Bit Better
Could this be the weather, which is less oppressive, the B12 shot, which seems to have improved my nails or just generally getting better.
A One-Handed Fish Pie
When I Cooked my last Jamie Oliver’s Fish Pie, I hadn’t had a stroke and had full use of both hands. Now my left hand has a lack of feeling in the fingers and tends to drop things a bit. But at least my right hand is almost unaffected.
Making the pie was surprisingly easy, using mainly my right hand :-
- Peeling the potatoes wasn’t too difficult, especially as I used a plastic chopping board to cut the potatoes into smaller chunks for boiling.
- Jamie said to use a big box grater in the middle of the baking dish and my left hand was strong enough to hold it completely steady, whilst I grated the carrot, celery and cheese. It was very easy and it was almost if Jamie had people like me in mind. Good on you, Jamie, if you did!
- For chopping the chilli, I used one of Delia’s little choppers.
- I did have a problem getting the skin off the salmon, but the simple solution to this, is to get the fishmpnger to do it as I did with the haddock. Waitrose and good fishmongers are happy to do this.
- Mashing the potatoes wasn’t too bad as I have a proper one-handed potato masher.
It’s amazing how much the good and sensible tools helped.
Peeling Potatoes
Would anybody describe this as a go0d exercise for someone who has had a stroke? But I’m making one of Jamie Olivers’s fish pies and that needs a kilogram of potatoes to be peeled.
I peel potatoes with the potato in my left and the knife in my right, but then I’m right-handed. I also tip the potatoes into a largew bowl of cold water and in fact just retrieving the next potato is quite soothing. But the action of holding the potato and then twisting it so that the next bit of peel is removed, seems to be a good exercise.
It’s also rewarding to yourself, as you see your naked creations gradually filling the saucepan.
I think though that peeling potatoes is one of those mundane jobs, which because a knife is involved, you concentrate about to get done well and then get a large degree of satisfaction, when you complete it.
I found the same satisfaction, when I cleaned my shoes on Saturday. Perhaps stroke recovery is all about getting back to normal and that means doing all those day-to-day tasks.
An E-Mail To The University of Ulster
I wrote this e-msil to the team developing the computer games at the University of Ulster.
You could argue, that I’m in a sorry state, being a 62-year-old widower of three years, who has just lost his youngest son at just 37 to pancreatic cancer. To cap it all I have just had a series of strokes,which have left me with a gammy left hand amongst other smaller issues.
As someone who has spent nearly 50 years programming, writing reports and lately blogging on the Internet, the standard PC keyboard totally frustrates me. You want to hit shift to get a capital and you hit caps lock or control, which means the precise document you are creating gets into a mess, because you have capitalisation all over the place or say you hit something like control-W which opens a new window in Internet Explorer.
I have found a partial solution in the Microsoft Comfort Keyboard, but sadly it doesn’t quite go far enough.
One of the features of this keyboard is the ability to disable individual keys, so they don’t work.For example, I have disabled the Caps Lock key and this now means that I don’t have to rewrite large portions of documents, when I accidentally toggle the key. Having no Caps Lock is no problem to me, as I have never ever used the key in my work.
I also want to disable other keys :-
- One and/or both of the control keys – Disabling just the left would be an interesting option, as for things like control-C and control-V, which I still use would be available using the right one. My right hand is still 100%.
- The Windows key – I’ve never used that key and used with some keys it does lot of things that you don’t want to do in a Word Document or Internet Explorer. With L it locks the computer, which is something you don’t want to do inadvertantly.
- The ALT key – Who uses that? Except in control-alt-del.
The driver of the keyboard should be able to be modified to disable any key and perhaps allow certain combinations, such as those commonly used ones with Control, but that would need co-operation from Microsoft. Microsoft’s driver and control panel is a good template and starting point.
I should say that I programmed quite complex keyboard drivers in some of my software, but that is actually a level above the actual deep-level driver. When you hit a key, you first check which of the modifier keystrokes, (control, alt etc.) are depressed and take an appropriate action, so it should be easily possible to ban single keystrokes as Microsoft do in part, but allow the combinations you want. If I could write a Windows keyboard driver, I know I could do it. I also have the money to pay someone who can to create something that would ease the lives of many stroke sufferers and disabled individuals.
I have discussed this driver with my doctor at Addenbrookes and he feels it would be worthwhile, but has never come across anything like it. If you search my blog for keyboard you will find more thoughts. As this e-mail is effectively a specification for the driver, I shall probably post it on the blog, together with a link to your work.
I see that you have developed computer games for stroke sufferers. I have never played any computer games, as I prefer games to be real. I am going to get back to playing real tennis, which is a game with a world-wide handicapping system, that can be used to measure your progress. You can also find quite a few gentle players, like the elderly or kids to play with, so that you can build up your skill and power levels gradually.
Keep up the good work.
But as my Irish racehorse trainer, Tadey Regan says, “The Struggle Continues”
Some might say that publishing here is just giving away an idea, thst might be stolen by someone else.
As Rhett Butler said in Gone With The Wind, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”. If I get my driver I’ll be pleased.
Computer Games For Stroke Rehabilitation
Researchers at the University of Ulster have been carrying out trials of specially designed computer games to help rehabilitate stroke sufferers.
Ulster’s School of Computing and Information Engineering in Coleraine has collaborated on the project with fellow researchers at the Health and Rehabilitation Sciences Institute at the Jordanstown campus.
The Games for Rehabilitation project, which has been funded by the Department of Employment and Learning over three years, focuses on rehabilitation of the upper limbs and involves the player using their hands and arms to touch targets which move around the screen.
Read the full article here.
I can see the point, but I’ve never been someone for computer games. On the other hand, I’ve had some good physiotherapy in both Hong Kong and Addenbrookes. The stuff that I liked had an element of play in it. Especially, when you were playing with an attractive twenty-year-old or so ypung Chinese woman. Addenbrookes were also using a Nintendo Wii.
Memories of Childhood
I’ve said before that I spent a lot of time as a child in my father’s print works in Wood Green. I used to set all of the handbills for the Dunlop tennis tournaments held all round the UK. But my father did other jobs for Dunlop including their industrial gloves catalogues. These were uprated and reprinted each year and as I got more older and more literate, he sometimes asked me to proof read them. They had gloves for all different purposes.
Last night as I was cooking, I felt that an appropriate glove on my left hand might help. It would offer protection from say a knife, when you were cutting something, a sure grip when you picked something up and as I cook using an AGA, which has lots of hot bits, perhaps it would be insulated.
I can’t be sure, but I think Dunlop had a lightweight industrial glove all those years ago!
But something like that would certainly help!
A Visit To The Optician
Yesterday, I had my eyes tested in Vision Express in Bury St. Edmunds. They supply my glasses and the optician had examined me twice before a couple of years ago. He said that the eyes themselves were fine, but that I had lost some vision to my left in both eyes, due to nerve damage. They also refitted my glasses, so that they don’t fall off my face. My glasses had started to do this, probably because of the weight I have lost!
And all that for a tenner, as the very thorough eye test itself was on the NHS. The charge was for a digital photo of the retina, which seemed to compare well to those taken two years ago. All results will be sent to my GP.
The Anonymous Widower 