The Gay Marriage Vote Today
Why has such a simple proposition created so much amount of useless hot hair?
I was married to a lovely woman for nearly forty years and know the value of such a relationship. There is also the work of William Farr in the 1850s, to reinforce it, as I outlined here.
So what right does anybody have to deny anybody happiness?
If we do, we’re following the route of religious nutters, like the Taliban and some Christian and other groups, who deny women a good life.
I would also take civil partnerships further and allow it to any couple, who wanted it. C and I had a pretty good marriage, but at times we wondered, if it would matter, if we hadn’t got married or not. Some couples, who don’t think marriage is for them for various reasons, might prefer a civil partnership to sort out their tax affairs, if one sadly dies. When C died, it saved a fortune in various taxes compared to if we’d just been living together.
There is also the problems of say two widowed sisters or brothers living together for economic and companionship reasons. Should they be allowed a civil partnership to perhaps put their financial affairs on the same basic as any other couple. In C’s work as a family barrister, she came across several cases like this. Often the surviving sibling would be living in a dingy flat on benefit. We owe people a better life and all it would need would be the extension of civil partnerships.
It’s Five Years Today
Today it’s five years since my wife, C, died quietly in her sleep. A lot has happened since, what with the death of our youngest son and my stroke, which necessitated my move from Suffolk to London.
But life in those five years hasn’t been all bad and I’ve experienced some wonderful things. I’ve also just found this in Chambers UK, which is a guide to the best lawyers in the UK.
He works with individuals who are prosecuted on suspicion of funding or having an active part in terrorist groups and conspiracies, and is a vocal critic of the implications of broad legislation and law in this area. He is described as “a great solicitor.”
The person being described is our middle son. C would be immensely proud! Just as I obviously am!
Today is a really bittersweet day!
Odd Links In My Family Tree
With all the fuss about gay marriage, it is worth noting who you could marry was different in the past.
One of my ancestors in about 1850 was the progeny of one pair of marriages, where two brothers married two sisters. I’m not sure who, but one of the brothers and one of the sisters, who weren’t married to each other, died, leaving the two surviving parents with several children. They obviously lived together, as the union produced some more brothers and sisters.
But the law at the time, said that marriage was not allowed.
Today, in this rare situation, there would be no problem if the two parents wanted to marry, as the law has changed.
I think that the current position is sensible, but I doubt there have been many cases, where someone has married their sibling’s widow.
Leviticus incidentally has a view.
If a man takes his brother’s wife, it is impurity. He has uncovered his brother’s nakedness; they shall be childless.
That certainly didn’t occur in my ancestor’s case, as there were at least two more children. Genetically, of course, they shared a lot of genes, but they would have been no more inbred than the original children.
There is also the case of two of my mother’s brothers, who married first cousins.
Now that still happens! Although for genetic reasons, I don’t think it is a good idea. It would also be impossible for me, as I have no female first cousins and only ever had one. There is a good discussion on Wikipedia.
Last night, there was a very heated debate on gay marriage on BBC Radio 5. So for those who say it is against the Bible, I say that for reasons of common human decency, the law can and should be changed, just as it was to help those like my Victorian ancestors.
I’m very much with David Cameron’s view, that everybody has the right to a long, happy and fulfilling marriage. I certainly enjoyed my marriage for nearly forty years until my wife died.
Widowhood is not the best of circumstances.
My Progress With Kiva
I wrote about Kiva, the on-line micro-finance site in this post.
I invested a few hundred dollars to see how the site works.
I’ve now started getting repayments from the loans. This is not surprising in my view, as I used to know someone who organised micro-finance in Malawi and he said repayments were usually made.
So now all the money I’ve had returned has been lent out to others. So my original charity donation has been lent to two different people.
A nice feature of Kiva, is that you can search for people with whom you might have something in common.
I often search for widows, as I know a bit about the loneliness of the predicament. Interestingly, Kiva generally lists both sexes as widows and doesn’t seem to use widower. I think that is good.
One thing about Kiva is that if I recruit a new lender, I get a $25 bonus to lend. This is how they spread the word, but the positive result is more money is lent to the undeveloped world.
A Good Reason For All Types Of Marriage
I did a trawl of the Internet and found this article about William Farr in the New York Times.
He was one of the founders of medical statistics and to quote his Wikipedia bio.
In 1858, he performed a study on the correlation of health and marriage condition, and found that health decreases from the married to the unmarried to the widowed.
The only problem with the study is that it was done 154 years ago. But if he got his statistics right, I suspect his results still hold.
I’m surprised that no-one has invoked William Farr in the argument on gay marriage. After all, the longer we live healthy lives can only be to the good of everybody in the population.
Divorce Is A Bereavement
This glib and totally fatuous statement was made by Charlotte Friedman of the Divorce Support Group on BBC Breakfast this morning.
As someone, who lost his wife of forty years and 37-year-old son to cancer in the space of two years, she ought to try widowhood at sixty for a few days.
My wife was a family barrister and I can see her in my mind, laughing at the lady. Probably along, with some of her former colleagues, who have sadly passed away in the last few years.
Condolezza Rice Invited To Join Augusta National
Augusta National seems to have forgone it’s ban on women members, by inviting two women to join, one of whom is Condolezza Rice. It’s all here in the Guardian.
I remember a tale from a few years back, where someone in Houston, was employing a new secretary. One of those who came for interview,said, that she was a woman, black and Jewish and therefore she ticked three boxes. She got the job, as coincidentally, she was also the best applicant.
So did Augusta choose Connie because she ticked two? The other lady is white and blonde!
I have a feeling that Tiger Woods is not a member!
But then I’m very much in agreement with Groucho Marks on clubs.
I wouldn’t join any club, that would have me as a member.
But then, I’m a member of that dark club called widowhood.
Race, gender and sexual orientation are not restrictions as to membership.
C Gets Stuck To Me!
When we went to Cardiff, it appeared that I lost one of the return train tickets. In the end it turned up in the back pocket of my wallet, stuck in there by an old Post-It note. I was a small one and written on it was an 0208 phone number. The writing appeared familiar at the time and only now, am I sure that it was C’s. In any case it wasn’t like any other of the usual suspects, who might have given me a Post-It note with a phone number on.
So has that note been looking after me, these nearly five years since she died? Who cares? I’m still here! Even if there is a touch of the just-abouts to it.
This Awful Cold Weather
Yesterday and Wednesday as well, I hardly left the house, as it was so cold. Today, it’s no better with -1 at 06:00 and -3 at 09:00 forecast for tomorrow. And that -3 comes with fog. At least it gets sunny in the afternoonafternoon, but temperatures are just hovering above freezing. Ipswich isn’t any better with temperatures a couple of degrees colder. So I suspect that I’ll stay in bed as long as I can.
I remember a similar day some years ago, when C had plenty of work to do and wanted to get rid of me for the afternoon, so she found two pairs of thick tights and I wore those under my trousers.
I just about survived.
It’s funny how attitudes to practical transvestism have changed. A man would have never done this in the sixties, but now if needs must, men do.
In fact in the 1960s, Bobby Moore tried to sell Man-Tights and I can remember the adverts for them on trains on the London Underground.
I also remember a story from a friend, who was a very keen caver, who told me to keep warm, they generally wear several layers of tights. Once in the 1970s, a friend broke a leg badly. whilst caving in France and they had to carry him out all the way. But the worst bit, was removing his tights, as he didn’t want to go to a French hospital wearing them.
I have no choice today, as I live alone.
So it’s either go and freeze or stay at home and keep warm.
I think I’ll do the latter!
You really do miss your late partner for the smallest and silliest reasons!
Happiness
There has been a lot of discussion about what happiness is lately.
When you’re a widower or widow, happiness is a big hug from someone, who has suffered the same loss. Sadly, I think many never get that luxury.
The Anonymous Widower 