Giles Coren In Today’s Times
I always read Giles Coren, as I find him funny and today in his piece in the Times he’s excelled himself on stockpiling. This is part of his piece on Gregg’s, which as I’m a coeliac, I find even funnier for some reason.
On a personal note — I have not eaten a Greggs pie in 15 years, and that was too recent. Everything Greggs sells is as grey, flabby and nutritionally otiose as a braised portion of George Galloway’s arse. The whole point of having a job and a few quid is so that you don’t have to eat at Greggs. It makes me sick to see politicians pretending they eat there. Greggs is survival rations for poor people and the homeless. Greggs is a major factor in working-class obesity. Twenty per cent VAT on its hot pies is not enough. It should be taxed to death for the sake of the NHS, which ploughs £5 billion a year into obesity-related illness.
I accept that as long as Greggs thrives, ignorant fat people will eat there three times a day, but it is cruel to put them in the spotlight as Labour has done. Some destitute people live on dog food, but do you want to see the Labour front bench kneeling over a bowl marked “Fido”, chowing on Pedigree Chum? Because they’d do it, you know. They’d do it like a shot.
I suppose it’s just the thought of eating a pie, that makes me want to get ready for the reaction my body would take.
If you haven’t bought your Saturday paper, it looks like Giles piece is well worth the cover price.
Cleanup Solutions
I saw a guy on the Tube this morning with Cleanup Solutions on his smart black T-sheet. As I read it out of the corner of my eye, I thought it was called Cheerup Solutions!
Now there’s a name for a company!
What Are Bews?
This was the screen, when I was listening to Radio 5 this lunchtime.
What Are Bews?
Perhaps the BBC would tell us what bews are?
Angela Merkel on Greece
Well not really, but someone purporting to be her has tweeted.
I’m glad I’ve solved the Greek crisis and I look forward to solving it again next week.
Very funny! But it may well be true!
Topical Valentine Poems
We all know the poems that start Roses are red, violets are blue etc.
Richard Bacon on BBC Radio 5 Live proposed a topical one and listeners added a few more.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d like to be under permanent house arrest with you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I think I’ll form a coalition with you.
Risk Assessment – Japanese Style
Obviously, the nation that gave the world, that amazing game called Endurance, the method of risk assessment at Tokyo Zoo will be different to anywhere else in the world. This video shows them dealing with a rhino,that has been assumed to have escaped.
This scene is doubly funny for me, as C always laughed like a drain, when Clive James showed the clips of Endurance.
Un Petit Amusement de la France
A friend sent me this amusing clock from France.
Just click it and it changes from analogue to digital and vice-versa.
Don’t worry if your French is not up to the level that is acceptable for a Republican presidential candidate as any liguaphobe can understand it.
By the way, I haven’t found a similar nude women clock.
A Good Spelling Mistake
I read this on CityWire‘s web site.
Newspapers and stationary retailer WH Smith (SMWH.L) is to release a Christmas trading statement on Wednesday.
Those who were at school with me, might remember a notice pinned to the door of the Stationery Office, which said something like.
Stationery Office
Hasn’t Moved in Years.
I hope we got the spelling right, as we were pupils at a Grammar School.
92 Clubs – Lancashire Humour
I saw this sign at Burnley Manchester Road station.
Does the World End At Leeds?
Notice that it just says Train. Does this mean that they are just one a day?
In fact, if I was the Fat Controller of Britain’s railways the line between Blackpool North, Preston, Blackburn, Burnley, Halifax, Bradford, Leeds and York is one that I’d upgrade seriously. It links the East Coast main line, at Leeds and York, with the West Coast main line at Preston. With three coach trains, an increased frequency and better bus/train interfaces like they have at Blackburn and it could have a postive benefit to the area. I didn’t see much of the countryside, in my four journeys on the line this week, as it was either raining or dark and sometines both.
Edinburgh’s Best Joke
This one from Nick Helm has been voted Edinburgh’s best joke according to the BBC.
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
I always thought that Edinburgh’s best joke was the tram!
The Anonymous Widower 