A Touch Of The Battersea
The Times has a report today about a web site called sexymp.co.uk, which is searching for the sexiest MP.
I gave it a try and all the MPs I was shown to judge, had rather a touch of The Battersea about them!
I’d Like A Muse
As Christmas arrives and it will be my seventh since the death of my wife; C.
It’s obviously impossible to want her back in the same way that some divorcees want a sanitised version of their previous partner, without perhaps the violence, gambling, drinking or leaving the toilet seat up.
But I got to thinking about what I actually want and in some ways I think I’d like a muse in the way that many artists, writers and thinkers did in the past and probably do now.
C and I both had our own areas of work, but there was also a grey area, where I suggested things she might do to make perhaps a difficult case less stressful and she would criticise some of my wilder ideas, designs or flights of fantasy.
It was fun and we enjoyed life to the full. I look at the things I used to do with her that I rarely do now, as I don’t like doing them alone.A list includes going horse racing, to the theatre and I don’t go to the films as often as I used to. As to trying out good restaurants, I don’t really bother unless I’m travelling. A good meal always needs good company to make it worthwhile.
I also love going shopping with a woman, where we choose clothes for each other. I haven’t done that for some years.
What I don’t need is a cook or skivvy!
If C was my muse, then I like to think I was her consort!
J And C Reunited In My Kitchen
I needed a few more mugs and just had to buy these when I saw them in Marks and Spencer.
J And C Reunited In My Kitchen
But I did have to buy them on-line, as they seem to be two of the rarer letters.
I’m reminded of a story from my past.
I was working for ICI at Runcorn and I’d designed and built an instrument to measure water in a particular chemical stream. It needed to be fitted and wired into the plant in their Rocksavage works. I was told to arrange the fitting with Charlie Akers, who was the senior electrician on the plant. I turned up one morning at the electrical workshop in the plant and Charlie gave me a tour, which showed me all the dangers and how to do basic things to avoid getting into trouble. To this day, when I’m climbing metal staircases and ladders, I still do it in the way that Charlie showed me, to avoid getting nasty chemicals or dirt on my hands.
Charlie then took me back to their workshop and then proceeded to pull a new white mug out of a box of about a couple of dozen and then with a small brush put my name on it. He then said that now, I’d had no excuse to not come here to have a cup of tea before going on the plant, as no-one wanted any accidents.
It was this attention to detail about Health and Safety that was the reason that Rocksavage Works had at the time, the best accident record in ICI.
A couple of years ago, when I went over SELCHP, one of the guides had noticed me climbing some metal stairs and asked if I’d ever worked in plants like that.
After all I’ve been through, Charlie’s lesson is still imprinted in my brain.
One Of The Most Depressing Days Of The Year
I hate June the twentieth, as it was my late son’s birthday. He would have been forty-four today, if he hadn’t died of pancreatic cancer four years ago. I never hate my late wife’s birthday in the same way, but that could be eased as another son virtually shares it.
So why did England’s kamikaze defending have to ensure their exit from the World Cup last night?
The media will be full of this depression today.
To make matters worse, BBC Breakfast is talking to a lady, who lost her husband and daughter in a speed-boat accident.
I’ll have to find something stimulating to do.
If my son were still here, we’d at least be arguing the whys and wherefores!
My only comfort is life could be worse. I did try to organise a luxury trip to the World Cup some months ago, but failed.
I would feel a lot worse, if I was waking up in Brazil.
Do I Pass The Branson Test?
Richard Branson is being quoted on the BBC about his ten tips for success in business.
So as someone, who likes to think he’s been successful at times, how do I think I stack up?
1. Follow your dreams and just do it!
Guilty as charged!
2. Make a positive difference and do some good
I argue, that I was part of the movement, which of course included the mighty Artemis, had a lot to do with transforming project management, so that important projects are now more likely to be implemented on time and on budget.
Unfortunately, some people, who tend to be mainly politicians and government employees, don’t abide by the principles we laid down.
But it did deliver the London Olympics and it looks like it’s going to deliver Crossrail in the next few years.
3. Believe in your ideas and be the best
Guilty as charged!
4. Have fun and look after your team.
I certainly had fun and it is not for me to say, if I looked after my team.
But I will say that many people, who I worked with in the past, are still friends. Some also looked after me, through my troubles of the last few years.
5. Don’t give up
Many people after what I had been through with the loss of my wife and youngest son to cancer and a serious stroke, would have taken the easy way out.
But then London mongrels have more fight, than a whole kennel-full of pit bulls.
6. Make lots of lists and keep setting yourself new challenges
I managed bugs in Artemis with lists and I still use them extensively on a card for each day. But then my father was the master of creating paper-based management systems, so it must be in the genes.
7. Spend time with your family and learn to delegate
Not sure about this one, but I’ve always organised my work from home since 1971. I can’t understand those who commute!
I don’t know about delegating, but if I have a problem that needs solving, I usually delegate by finding the best and getting them to do it.
8. Try turning off the TV and get out there and do things
I always have the TV on and have done for years, as I created Artemis, whilst watching the box.
But I’ve always been open to distraction by a pretty woman, who wants to take me somewhere to enjoy ourselves. C was a master, at coming in and saying that we perhaps go out to see a play in a Cambridge College.
I am obsessive about completing major tasks, but very easily distracted.
9. When people say bad things about you, just prove them wrong
I use criticism as a motivating tool and generally go on to prove people wrong.
10. Do what you love and have a sofa in the kitchen
C and myself, generally did what we loved and lived in the kitchen. We had a sofa there since we moved to Debach about 1980.
Even today, I live in a large living room, with a bedroom behind and a kitchen in the corner.
I can’t understand why people want to live in houses with masses of rooms and an eight figure price tag.
I certainly do what I love, too!
So I think I followed Branson’s principles pretty well!
Would I add any of my own? Yes!
1. Experience as much as you can of life
So if someone offers you a trip in the sewers of East London, don’t turn it down!
Branson is certainly not short on experience.
2. Never forget anything
I have an elephantine memory, but there are successful people, who make sure everything they have read, written or said is archived.
You never know, when you might need that information.
As an example, I went on a Health and Safety course at ICI. Some of what I learned has been invaluable since my stroke, when navigating my way around streets with impaired vision.
3. Don’t get divorced.
Branson hasn’t! But I suspect, he’s not always been a Saint, where the ladies are concerned.
4. Steal ideas from the public domain or experience
Two things in the design of Artemis come to mind.
The report writer of the original Artemis broke new ground, but I stole the template from a dead IBM program called 360-CSMP, that I’d used at ICI.
The other was perhaps more trivial. When I developed the PC version of Artemis, I needed a strong well-designed interface. So I mimicked the keyboard and the function keys on the old IBM-PC and used the bright colours from a BBC Television program called Three of a Kind, which used jokes on the screen in a system they called Gagfax.
One of my colleagues disagreed with my choice and said we’d employ an expert to choose them. But we didn’t and I won the argument by default.
5.Don’t trust lawyers, accountants, bankers and patent agents
I could add a caveat here, in that if they have a stake in the success of the venture, then in many cases it turns out for the better.
I’ve only met one accountant and one banker that I would ever trust. Sadly both, are sorting out God’s problems!
As to lawyers, I got to screw my own for forty years and luckily we bred a good one. So if I need a good one, I can generally get a good recommendation.
On the other hand, the biggest mistake, I made in life, was when after C’s death, I didn’t sell everything and move to something like a two-bedroom flat in Docklands or the Barbican!
I’d love to hear Branson’s view on what I call Professional Theft
But
The Immaculate Lady On The Train
This morning I took the Overground to Stratford to catch the high-speed train to Margate, so I could have a look sat the town and its attractions and hopefully get some fresh air in the sun by the sea.
Opposite me, was a Chinese girl of about twenty, and a white lady of about my age. The Chinese girl appeared to be sketching something, so I stood up and asked her, saying that in all my years no-one had ever made a drawing of me. I also exchanged a few words with the other lady, who from her accent was English, or had lived here all her life.
As the girl wasn’t drawing me, I returned to my seat and carried on with my sudoku.
I then looked at the English lady, who was immaculate dressed from top to toe, in the style of someone twenty years younger, with a just-above-the-knee black skirt, black tights, a beige cashmere roll-neck jumper and short boots in a harlequin design. She’d let her hair go grey and it was held back with a clip. I can’t remember what her coat was like, but as C always did, she was wearing expensive leather gloves.
We both left the train at Stratford and exchanged a few words. I did at least compliment her on her style, before we went off in different directions.
Why is it, I can’t find myself a girlfriend like that?
Not Pure Genius
I needed a snack this afternoon and thought some Genius toast with some strawberry jam would do nicely!
Not Pure Genius
These were the first two slices I got from the packet! So they were discarded.
On the subject of holes, I’m always reminded of a story about a former MP, who died some months ago.
A friend of a close friend of my late wife’s was at a party when she was chatted up by the MP. He thought he had struck lucky and escorted the lady up to a bedroom.
Everything went fine, until he took off his shirt to reveal a grey vest with large holes in it.
The Other Side Of Hollande’s Troubles
The letter writers in The Times have been telling tales of President Felix Faure and his mistress Marguerite Steinheil. His death is described here in Wikipedia, with this being the first part.
Faure died suddenly from apoplexy in the Élysée Palace on 16 February 1899, at a critical juncture while engaged in sexual activities in his office with 30-year-old Marguerite Steinheil. It has been widely reported that Felix Faure had his fatal seizure while Steinheil was fellating him.
Read the whole section, as there are a lot of good jokes about pompe funebres.
Today’s episode in The Times, is from John Julius Norwich, no less!
It described how Steinheil was feted by admirers after being accused of murdering her stepmother and husband. it also disclosed how he met the femme fatale.
Francoise Hollande has a lot to do, to leave the same note in history as President Faure.
Perhaps, they’ll give his name to a Metro station, as they did for Felix Faure.
Hollande Gets On His Motorbike
Traditionally in the UK, there is a joke about infidelity and men getting on a bicycle.
But French presidents do it differently and use a motorbike driven by a chauffeur., according to this article on the BBC web site. Here’s the relevant bit.
The pictures purportedly show the pair arriving separately. Mr Hollande, wearing a helmet, is on a motorbike driven by a chauffeur.
It looks like it’s one law for the leaders and one law for the plebs.
I wonder what is the French colloquialism for “Beware the scorned woman!” or in Hollande’s case “Beware the scorned women!”
A Waste Of A Phone-In
I often listen to the phone-in on BBC Radio 5. This morning, it has been discussing whether the Devil should be taken out of the Christening Service.
I’ve never heard so much rubbish in all my life, as Christians go on and on about the Devil being real and how it is as it all says in the Bible.
There has been a bit of sense, from a woman priest band a few atheists, but most of the other is totally for the dustbin.
If Christians accept that God and the Devil are in their own image, then not one has said that they could be female. Some might argue that religion was invented by men to keep women in their place.
The only important thing about a christening, is to make sure that the child has others, who they can trust, to lead them through life. That has nothing to do with religion! You could have a good party instead, which would have the same effect.
The Anonymous Widower 